Please read and help?

This is a little something i've been working on. i know the idea is a but played out, but i just wanted to try it out. Please read it and give any suggestions that might help

鈥淎h, Doctor, I was just finishing up here!鈥?said the woman. She was wearing a white lab coat and had her hair tied up in a bun. The doctor noticed that bags under her eyes. 鈥淵ou haven鈥檛 been sleeping at all, have you?鈥?said a man. He was in his mid-forties, grey hair, and stern face. The man walked down the steps and took a look around. It was a laboratory. To his right were tables with bottled fluid. There were also many high-tech machines that constantly buzzed and beeped. To his left was even more equipment. But there was something else there. They were giant case-like tubes. The tubes reached from floor to the ceiling and have massive cables coming and out leading to something that resembled a power generator. The inside of the tube was filled with an orange substance. Floating inside was something, something unlike anything on earth. The man stepped up to the tube and gazed inside. 鈥淗as the subject shown any sign of mental activity?鈥?he asked still gazing inside. 鈥淲e thought there was a spike earlier, but it turned out to be a false alarm.鈥?br> What is it that you鈥檙e doing? The man thought to himself. The woman, who was sitting at a computer, suddenly looked at her screen. She began typing furiously.

鈥淒r Cavil! Look at this!鈥?The doctor came to where she was.

鈥淲ha鈥︹€?he began, and she pointed at the screen. At first there was nothing there but a single line. Then, many spikes began appearing, thousands of them by the second. So it鈥檚 finally awake He thought. 鈥淚nitiate emergency procedures. Begin draining the hyrdo components. On my count, maximize generator power!鈥?He commanded. There was a thud sound that came from behind. Dr. Cavil looked back and saw nothing but the lights from the floor panels. Thud. There it was again. He scanned the room. It hit him. The sound was coming from the case. Another thud, then the sound of cracking glass. The doctor stepped forward. Damn, the glass is cracking! 鈥淚nitiate Deco Red! Insert the magnesium NOW! He shouted and hurried to the case. 鈥淚nitiating Deco Red now. Inserting the magnesium.鈥?But it was too late. The pressure of the orange substance forced the crack wider until it burst. Its contents spilled out onto the floor, preventing any light from getting through. Then, what was floating inside stepped out. What have we created? Dr. Cavil asked himself. In the following moment, he was torn to sheds.